I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
