In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
