saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
