so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
