Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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