I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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