I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
