i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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