I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
