I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
