Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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