The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
