I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
