the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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