There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
