Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
