She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
