I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
