I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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