Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
