A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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