Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
