Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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