So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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