Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
