apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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