Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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