first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
