Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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