I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
