I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i think i just lost a toe
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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