New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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