my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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