If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
