Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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