I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
