We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
