just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
