in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize