hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
