so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
