I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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