That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
