where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
