I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
