It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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