I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
zippers are such a cool invention
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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