I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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