So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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