Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize