They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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