Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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