yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
