I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
