youre lurking in front of me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
