so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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