i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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