I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
