I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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