Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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