i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do herpes really smell.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Damn victory sex feels great
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
