I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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