Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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