i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
