dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
