I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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