Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
