so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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