I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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