Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
