she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
