the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
