yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
